Being Good Company for Others

There are some people that are genuinely a delight to be around. You know these gems by how you feel when you are in their presence. The exchange flows seamlessly. You are at peace. You’re engaged. You feel seen, known, and loved. You look forward to crossing paths with them, and you always feel like the visit was a worthwhile and meaningful use of your time.

What makes these people such lovely company? When someone is comfortable in their own skin, they are able to be with others without judging themselves against others. If they compare, it is more from a place of curiosity and growth, not from one-upmanship. They are open to evolving. There isn't this need to be better than everyone else. They often have their own share of insecurities and desire to be awesome, but they set an internal bar that is about being the very best version of themselves. It is about growth. Potential. Possibility. This kind of mindset allows for acceptance. Vulnerability. Being brave. Real. 

Being around insecure, disengaged, and arrogant people has a way of making others feel small because their need to be on top trumps all engagement and connection. They are not interested in really getting to know you because they are so focused on themselves and how others are making them look. It's all about self-referencing. In short, these people make it harder to be authentic because there is not a nourishing ingredient to their being. It is judgment based which only perpetuates defensiveness, fear, and lack of freedom to be vulnerable in a relationship. 

How can you be that nourishing being to both yourself and others where you enter all engagement from a place of curiosity and love? In friendship, this is where meaningful exchange occurs, and growth ensues. Operating from the mindset that there is always more, always enough strips away the need to be in competition. We're all in this together. 
At the core, our greatest fears are about belonging and being good enough. It is soul-sucking to be in a perpetual state of hustle to stay ahead of the curve and in front of being found out. We lose our ability to connect and be seen and known in relationship. The belief is that once we let our guard down, we are stripped naked and lose our lovability. I would argue that it is just the opposite. 

Consider "daring greatly" as Brene Brown would say, and drop the bullshit. Be that person that you like being around. By doing so, you make the world better by helping others be real; and you attract your tribe naturally. A rising tide lifts all boats. Why don't we be more of that for one another? People who are real and vulnerable, kind and curious, brave and scared, engaged and rooted. This is what it is to be human. Go be real. Namaste. 

Making A Decision

What are the benefits of making a decision? As you start taking action, you learn so much about yourself in the process. You show up and become a participant in your own life.  As you gain information from your choices and actions, you learn that you can change your mind. Make other decisions. And shift gears where needed. This is very different than going back on your decision or not making a decision at all. Moving forward with the knowledge gleaned from making the decision in the first place is the key. 

When you are decisive, it cultivates a clear-headedness. The more decisions you make, the more you grow. Confidence is a by-product. How do you gain self-confidence? BY DOING. Not by abdicating the role of decision-making to someone else, but actually making decisions for yourself. 

Making decisions saves time, and keeps you in motion and on the path of evolving. Being in confusion wastes time and sabotages your ability to grow and learn about what works and what doesn't. Eg: I don't know if I want to go abroad. If you decide to go, make it the best decision you can make. Go all in. Learn. Grow. No regrets. It's all an experiment. Use the data points from the experience and make them part of your decision-making going forward. 

Interestingly, some of my clients believe that they keep themselves safe from making a mistake by not making a decision. Not making a decision is making a decision. Indecision masquerades as a protection from making a 'bad' decision when really it is being fearful of making a mistake and not wanting to commit. 

So, how do you decide something? Consider everything based on what you know to be true today. Know that you will always have at least two or more options in any given situation. Step back, assess, and then make a step forward. Choose. 

It is also good to like your reason for making the decision. If you were starting brand new, would you choose whatever is the status quo? If you're deciding if you would date this person again, choose this roommate, play this sport, pick this major, seek this job, choose this school - would you? 

What if failure was not the big deal that you make it? What if there was just winning or learning? Failure is just in how you think about it. Take out the thought of failure. Which path would you pursue then? 

Making decisions propels you forward. 

My coach once said that when making a decision, ask the question: What would love do? So, what would you do in your present situation if you were to ask what love would do? Sometimes love means you say no or you leave. Sometimes, it means you go a different path. Whatever it is, it's all good. 

What moves you towards who you want to be? Fear doesn't lead you in that direction. It pretends to protect you, but in reality, it holds you back. 

"Discomfort is the currency of getting what you want in life." ~ Brooke Castillo

What is the best and worst case scenario? Look at your options. The worst case scenario is missing out on the best case scenario. Really? Yep. So, what is holding you back? Get moving. Make an informed decision based on what you know to be true today. Go all in. Learn. Grow. Have your own back, and gain confidence in the process. Let me know how it goes. You got this. ox

The Wisdom of a New Beginning

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

John O’Donohue