There are some people that are genuinely a delight to be around. You know these gems by how you feel when you are in their presence. The exchange flows seamlessly. You are at peace. You’re engaged. You feel seen, known, and loved. You look forward to crossing paths with them, and you always feel like the visit was a worthwhile and meaningful use of your time.
What makes these people such lovely company? When someone is comfortable in their own skin, they are able to be with others without judging themselves against others. If they compare, it is more from a place of curiosity and growth, not from one-upmanship. They are open to evolving. There isn't this need to be better than everyone else. They often have their own share of insecurities and desire to be awesome, but they set an internal bar that is about being the very best version of themselves. It is about growth. Potential. Possibility. This kind of mindset allows for acceptance. Vulnerability. Being brave. Real.
Being around insecure, disengaged, and arrogant people has a way of making others feel small because their need to be on top trumps all engagement and connection. They are not interested in really getting to know you because they are so focused on themselves and how others are making them look. It's all about self-referencing. In short, these people make it harder to be authentic because there is not a nourishing ingredient to their being. It is judgment based which only perpetuates defensiveness, fear, and lack of freedom to be vulnerable in a relationship.
How can you be that nourishing being to both yourself and others where you enter all engagement from a place of curiosity and love? In friendship, this is where meaningful exchange occurs, and growth ensues. Operating from the mindset that there is always more, always enough strips away the need to be in competition. We're all in this together.
At the core, our greatest fears are about belonging and being good enough. It is soul-sucking to be in a perpetual state of hustle to stay ahead of the curve and in front of being found out. We lose our ability to connect and be seen and known in relationship. The belief is that once we let our guard down, we are stripped naked and lose our lovability. I would argue that it is just the opposite.
Consider "daring greatly" as Brene Brown would say, and drop the bullshit. Be that person that you like being around. By doing so, you make the world better by helping others be real; and you attract your tribe naturally. A rising tide lifts all boats. Why don't we be more of that for one another? People who are real and vulnerable, kind and curious, brave and scared, engaged and rooted. This is what it is to be human. Go be real. Namaste.