Have Courage, Dear Ones!

What I'd love to do — in this post — is share some ways to help you feel courageous. Because, my people, we have big and important work to do in this life — and we need all the courage we can get to be awesome and make the world better!

1. Remember that you have a voice and you can use your voice to speak up. When your friend asks if you’re okay, instead of saying you’re fine and acting like all is smooth sailing, be willing to say that you’re not okay. You’re not fine. Don’t be a victim — no blame is necessary, but speak your truth. No more stuffing. No more hiding. No more candy-coating. No more choosing to be nice over being authentic. No more accommodating. This might mean that the conversation will be uncomfortable. That’s okay. Be kind. Be true. Be real. Be YOU. Every conversation matters.

2. Remember that you can always do something to make the world a better and kinder place — even if you are bogged down by life and feeling insignificant. Make eye contact with someone. Say hello. Give a nod. Invite a person to join your lunch table who might otherwise be sitting alone. Dare to be different. Cheer on your classmates as they present a project or when they raise their hand and answer a question that no one else is willing to tackle. Acknowledge the “weird” kid/friend and appreciate the color that they add to your world. FYI: The things that make you weird as a kid make you great as an adult. Be weird. Be courageous. Take a stand. It matters.

3. Remember that your health is a gift. Take care of your physical body. Hydrate. Sleep. Fuel yourself with food that makes you feel healthy and strong. Move. The body doesn’t lie. If you’re struggling with being sick and/or run down, instead of solely throwing medication or numbing agents at it, and masking it, dig deeper. What is creating the dis-ease? From where is the unease coming? Is stress playing a part? What thoughts/beliefs are you marinating in? Could your food choices be better? Is your phone use at night impeding your ability to get restorative sleep? Are you burning the candle on both ends and expecting that your body can sustain? Slow down enough to ask the questions. Inquire. Check in. Figure out what you can do to take better care of yourself. Pivot where needed. Honor your body. Honor you. It matters.

4. Remember to take care of your inner world. Check the quality of your thoughts. Think brain food. Are the sentences in your brain uplifting and motivating, or are they demeaning and harsh? You get to choose the words and beliefs on which you subsist, don’t let them choose you. If your thoughts/beliefs create how you feel, and these feelings generate certain actions/behaviors on your part that ultimately get the results in your life, don’t you want to have motivating, helpful, useful, and empowering thoughts on the menu? Cultivate your light and hope muscle. Atrophy your self-sabotaging and diminishing muscle. It matters.

5. Remember that when you find the courage to be vulnerable — you step outside your comfort zone and expose your heart, your humanness - this act alone can help others be vulnerable who might not otherwise be, and this courage to be vulnerable can open people’s eyes. It can change someone's mind. Your vulnerability can help someone to see the world in a softer and kinder light. How beautiful is that? This courage to be seen and known helps others to be seen and known. It’s a win-win. It matters.

6. Remember that there are people in the world who love you and care about you and celebrate you — in all of your messy and fabulous glory. If you feel really wobbly right now, remember that, "You are strong. You are loved. You are love. You are beautiful. You are human. You are complex. You are awesome. You are going to be okay.” You matter.

You! The one that is showing up and walking hand-in-hand with courage and fear. Yes, you! You are courage personified. And you are growing stronger every day. Don't stop. Keep going. Light the way for you and others. You got this. Xoxox

Be a Model for What is Possible For Your Children

My mission as a life coach for young adults and their parents is to cultivate a way of thinking and being in this world that serves them and fortifies them. It is a bit of an eye-opener and ground-shifter for people to grasp that there is another way of moving through life that isn’t about feeling so stressed-out, lonely, and overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. Life doesn't have to be so difficult. Yes, life is hard, regardless of how you go about it, but I propose doing it in a way that makes the hard more meaningful, less overwhelming, and more fulfilling.

A large part of my work is creating a safe haven, an open dialogue to have the hard and raw and deep conversations about the journey of being human. Normalizing the struggle is the first step. Taking blame, guilt, victimhood and shame out of the equation is the next step. Once we clean up the narrative and re-work it so that it serves you, there is more choice in how to move forward. You are able to live more consciously, and less out of default mode. You choose your mindset. You choose your actions. Regardless of the life circumstance, you get to choose what you make it mean and how you want to respond to it. It is less reactive mode and more responsive mode.

What kinds of thoughts and beliefs create the feelings necessary to generate actions and behaviors that get you the results that you want in life? When you believe that you are not enough, or that if people see you for who you really are, they will reject you, this kind of thinking only perpetuates the belief that you are not enough. Why? Because when you think this way, you feel insecure and small, and when you feel small, you act small. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Why not consider thinking that you are a human being, like everyone else, and if you are not good at something, instead of hiding and giving up, how about thinking that you are going to figure it out? Commit to having your own back. Believe in yourself and trust the process. Seek out help where needed. Trial and error. Try try again. The only way that we get better at anything is by practice. Confidence and resilience doesn’t just drop into our lap. We have to earn it. Grow it. WIth discipline and the “I got this mentality”, most things are possible. This approach creates more hope and motivation which in turn generates action, curiosity, and drive on your part. When you have that going for you, the result will certainly be different than staying small and staying safe.

For our young people, answering the question Who Am I? is at the heart of their developmental work and it can be wrought with insecurity and discomfort. Reminding them that they are exactly where they are meant to be can be reassuring and soften their anxiety. The only way to gain confidence is to grow in competence so pave the way for them to grow and learn and figure things out without doing the work for them. It might be messy at times but it’s all good.

Take it one step at a time. Be a model for what is possible. Love them, support them, guide them, walk with them, and believe in them. These ingredients are the fuel that they need, and remind them that this life adventure is the breeding ground for creating something beautiful. Time to get to work, my people! xx

#welcometobeinghuman #lifeishard #lifeissweet #becurious #haveyourownback #chooseyourmindset #rockitout

Healing is Possible, Dear Ones!

You didn’t mess up.

You aren’t a mess up.

Your brain and your thoughts have a tendency to get messed up.

Time to get that sweet brain of yours unmessed up.

Second and third chances exist.

The pain and struggle are surmountable.

Healing and a healthier way is possible.

You might feel broken, lost, helpless, and worthless.

These feelings are based on thought errors and a faulty belief system.

Your thoughts and beliefs are NOT facts. They are just the story you are telling yourself.

Build a relationship with self that feeds you instead of diminishes you. Start checking in with yourself each day — how am I doing? How am I feeling? What do I need? What is the next right step? How can I best love myself today?

A lot of things that are causing you pain and confusion right now will make a lot more sense in 5 years so tie a knot and hang on.

You matter.

I see you, and I am going to help you.

A recent mind-blowing poll: 1/3 of American college students have mental health issues.

5% or 10% of college students have had suicidal thoughts in last 2-3 weeks.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Time to put boots on the ground and dig in.

I’m here when you’re ready.

#healing #cultivateandcontribute #tellmemore